Not good any more :(

Thinking about absolutely annoying and mean things from the past and wallowing in misery. Nevermind. One's any way gotta live life alone. Just getting used to it. So yes, need a constant reminder that no one loves you more than your own self and that trusting implicitly is not something you can/should do. You have to know that you are worth so much more and therefore make it to that eventually :) I'm glad that I started out while writing this feeling totally unhappy and the end is relatively positive because you've got to come to terms with facts! No matter what explanations you're given, they're still just that at the end of the day. Explanations. Obviously not good enough, but you can try to convince yourself that you're wrong and that those explanations work. But well, it never gets sorted out, not because there's some insufficiency in those explanations, but because it ever happened. No way out of that, now is there? Pretty sad. Clearly back to being negative. Nevermind.

My tax paper is not exactly going places thanks to these stupid things that happen in my life. Though I really shouldn't be cribbing about my life :) It is pretty great and I'm so grateful that I have this insane capacity to be happy with absolutely no external input at all. Thank god for that :)

Not good

I have fever and I get dust allergy everyday now due to the high concentration of pollen in Bangalore air these days :( I am also supposed to go out for a heavy, north Indian lunch to Ada Hind Ki tomorrow. Which I don't think I'll be able to make it for. Let's see. On the brighter side, I don't have taxing classes tomorrow, so I'm hoping to get some rest in class only. Life's not good when the weather is all sucky and health is also sucky :(

Among happy things- I watched Inception. I also re-watched Aladdin. What a cute movie. But nothing can fill the void in my life left by OTH :( I shall soon be getting S6 and 7 form Purple who is currently in the process of downloading them. Whee! I just know that I'd have been better by now if I could've ODed on OTH. I just know it.

First time ever in law school that I've felt like going home to mommy for a weekend.

Note to Self, Again

Don't lose control. Ever.

This blog is swiftly transforming into digital post-its to self.

Note to Self: Focus

On things that matter.

And that actually make a difference.

And that are almost completely in your own hands.

No point mulling over unfairness. And things which tend to waste other precious things.

Being Nice

I think it's high time I became nicer. In life. To people. Law school has a tendency to make you do/say things that wouldn't have ever crossed your mind had you not been here. Mundane, inconsequential comments about what people are doing, saying, thinking, wearing etc. It really would never bother anybody in any other environment perhaps. But in law school, since people are bored out of their wits when they're not dying under dead lines or want to be nasty while dying under deadlines for relieving pressure (I know, v sadistic)- which basically means all the time- they.... we often tend to be mean and horrible. It's not a nice thing and it should stop!

So now I shall try v v hard to not be unnecessarily nasty (not that one ever needs to be necessarily nasty, but I shall save that liberty) and stay away from conversations that are less about the people taking part in it and more about people who're not there.

While this is not particularly in the nature of a resolution for the new year, but it nonetheless is a resolution of sorts. This reminds me, I need to buy a 2010 diary and organizer.

Beverage Maker

My tea/coffee maker has been operationalized! Inaugural beverage was Red Label Nature Care (I expected it to also taste of those herbs etc. but it tastes like ordinary tea) (but yum ordinary tea). Guest tea taster was Woogs. In all my excitement, I put a bit too much tea so it was really, really strong. But it tasted fine! So now I'm all set. I feel powerful. *toothy smile*

3 days to go...

... and then I'm free for 5-6 days after which prep for mid term will commence. However, in major state of penury now given large amounts of money given up for organisation of mid law school partayyy (yeay! re mid law school) and hyderabad class trip for this course we're doing. Should be fun.

This blog has become really boring.

Kaju Katli

I haven't yet operationalised my tea/coffee machine. I intend to do that v v soon (like tonight) given my current state of penury as well as the mountain of workload before me.* Fish has happy things happening in her life. *giggles*

My new found love is kaju katli (or burfi). I LOVE. Really. Almost as much as chocolate. Mmm.

Tonight is debate par-tayyy but I didn't go because none of my friends were going so I'd get bored + work + prior commitment of sorts *giggles at prior commitment* Said prior commitment got most entertaining towards the end of it when all concerned persons engaged in heated debate over contentious issue. Apart from that it was mostly just the girls and their banter.

I have branded most of my belongings with these cute stickers which I got from the UK.

I'm in that state where I don't really want to go home but I also don't want to be here. Hmm.

*- Ok well it's not all that much work, but still.

Long Weekend (May skip if in cheerful mood because this is a dampener)

Long weekend is here and I am on campus. Working. I don't particularly mind it given I don't really have any such "home" to go to, but I could have gone out with friends and chilled. CrazyV and half the world I know is going home. I want to go out but can't because of the darned flu and work. I really, really, really want to go out. I even have a town list.

Among other depressing news, my phone's "simtray" has stopped functioning which is why it doesn't recognise any sim. I've given it off for repair and am now using Pengy's spare for the time being. Thanks, Pengs.

I told you "Rants" would be receiving a steady stream of posts.

Blurry

The past few days were a blur given the amount of work almost everyone in law school had. Every second person was dying to meet some deadline or the other. I don't think I've ever taken this much upon myself. Ever. And yes, I have taken it upon myself. It all sounds like fun when you're signing up for it, it is fun when it comes through, but the interim is sheer agony. The good thing is that most of us are in it so you're not the only one who's up late into the night trying to figure out which test you should use to prove a conflict is "international" in nature or whether the crimes committed have nexus with the armed conflict. Also, since most of us are working on different areas, it's interesting to talk about (and bitch about) what we're working on with the others.

Among other news, I haven't heard from BFA in a very long time, but I guess it's justified given he's got most exciting things happening in his life right now.

I think "Rants" is going to receive a lot of entries in the near future.

Fish S (Say it out loud!)

Spoke to S for ages but it felt like 15 minutes. No amount of time is enough to catch up. We shared crazy stories from our lives and gave and took advice. Obv, sister knows best. The point of this post is to drill down the fact that I wish she were here. Sigh. It's scary to think that we might never again be living in the same city.

Wish you were here.

On the brighter side, Fish has been shoulder-to-cry-on-person today (and in the past also, during those rare moments when I've been bugged enough to need/want one). Quite literally. It wasn't my best day and ideally, I shouldn't be putting it up here because of the whole shouldn't-focus-on-negative-energy thing. However, this is a positive thing really because I'm actually talking about how super Fish is when she's in console-mode. She gets it. We get each other. Which is awesome.

So here's to all things happy and I hope all the annoying little flies in our lives are swatted by the hands of the universe.

Association

Songs
Places
Movies
Lines in books
Books
Food
Fragrances
Clothes
Scenes off movies/TV series
Phantom conversations (!)

What can you NOT associate things with?

Must not associate. Must not associate. Must not associate.

At times I have SO many phantom conversations that I tend to forget which ones were for real and which ones were in my head.