Not good any more :(

Thinking about absolutely annoying and mean things from the past and wallowing in misery. Nevermind. One's any way gotta live life alone. Just getting used to it. So yes, need a constant reminder that no one loves you more than your own self and that trusting implicitly is not something you can/should do. You have to know that you are worth so much more and therefore make it to that eventually :) I'm glad that I started out while writing this feeling totally unhappy and the end is relatively positive because you've got to come to terms with facts! No matter what explanations you're given, they're still just that at the end of the day. Explanations. Obviously not good enough, but you can try to convince yourself that you're wrong and that those explanations work. But well, it never gets sorted out, not because there's some insufficiency in those explanations, but because it ever happened. No way out of that, now is there? Pretty sad. Clearly back to being negative. Nevermind.

My tax paper is not exactly going places thanks to these stupid things that happen in my life. Though I really shouldn't be cribbing about my life :) It is pretty great and I'm so grateful that I have this insane capacity to be happy with absolutely no external input at all. Thank god for that :)